It’s not about just saying “Don’t do it”, “Don’t try it”. Its more than that. Childern want an explanation to their curious minds and not dismissal. Am sure people are wondering why the topic , what does it mean. But I would go straight to the point. Some of our parents missed this part of telling us the reality of life. They rather gave strict instructions not to go into sex but failed to tell us the basic things that we won’t hear in school and might hear the wrong information for our friends or otherwise.
Here are a few cases in point
1.They did not give us life examples
What do I mean by life examples? Some of our parents didn’t even tell us how they met, interacted, loved each other and eventually got married. Never. They never did. This aspect is very important in every child’s life. How do I mean? I know you want to say, those were the old days where a man just comes to a family , the father accepts and the girl doesn’t cough about it. I don’t think so. How did they meet in the first place, to notice themselves? To say the truth, i think some of our parents are too ashamed to tell us about how their real lives were. Maybe they even had numerous number of sex before they were married which according to some religions which we practice is a great sin. But they didn’t and made it look like they were all pure before they were married , which in some cases is not the case. in so doing, try to push their children so hard but don’t put it that its not easy and how they managed till they were married. That they are not perfect. I mean, some just come drop food, “my husband, your food is ready”. I mean, we don’t get to see love and how to love and eventually think that the person who sweet-talks us, loves us. We can’t even gist with them on who we like and who likes us and get advice, but the only thing they do is to chase with cutlass. Have they ever asked “what of the ones they are not doing at home that you are not seeing”?
2. They dismissed pressing questions and worries
When we got to school and some topic came up among peers, and we are like I am going to ask my mom or dad. I don’t know if they (parents) were shy about it? I don’t know. But it had serious effect on our upbringing. A child ask you a question related to sex or to the other gender, and you chastise immediately. That is the beginning of them hiding things from you. Some of you don’t even know their children are heavy drinkers, smokers and even sex addicts ( heterosexual and homosexual) , some are even prostitutes (male and female). Some are so scared to come to you if they are pregnant and ask friends who pressure them to take a life (abortion). In truth, they don’t know how to counsel. Sometimes they give wrong answers, wrong explanations to the questions asked. Let me give you an example : A child asked told his mom that his school gave the instruction that they should wear red and white clothing the following morning as it as St Valentine’s day. Immediately, she rebuked him and the school, saying ” what’s the meaning of that, your school should stop that nonsense, for what?”. The wrong thing about this is that she gave the wrong impression about Val’s day to her son, instead of a good reason why it was and is being celebrated, and how good Christians celebrate it by sharing love to your neighbor or those who are destitute.
3. They don’t know how to address the issue of sex/reproductive education
Some of them didn’t have it when they were growing up, and so can’t or refuse to attain it, reason being that if they told their children about it it would expose them to the reality and they would very much want to indulge in it fully. Whereas that’s not the case, it would give the a better sense of reason to what is morally right and wrong and not to seek options of their peers. Some of them are just shy.
4. They didn’t follow up on their child’s life
Some Parents don’t even know who their child’s first crush is ( well it’s Nigeria, it can never happen). Or notice puberty especially for a boy ( first wet dream) explaining to them what it is and how to handle subsequent occurrences. For a girl, they just tell her that she is now a woman with out explaining what it really is apart from seeing menses. They probably told every girl, that if a boy touches you, you would be pregnant, but didn’t explain the kind of touch. Didn’t explain the sensation behind having sex or drinking. In giving this plain answer, a boy touches her, and it is not the case, she loses trust in your advice and goes further and she is enjoying herself.
5. They lead their children into isolation
Yes, some parents barge into children’s rooms to be sure they are not doing something funny. Normal. Some other restrict movement totally. Its’s a triangle for them: School-church-home. Nothing more. If you are outside playing, when you get back “Wahala” its ” Come on, will get inside”. Serious threats. No sporting programs, no music learning (singing and instruments to learn). But what of those that skip fences and do what they like, those that skip school, those that use church programs and societies to do as they like. Some don’t even know their children’s friends or even asked their friends to come over or allow them go visit.
Let me give an example :
Daughter: mommy, can i go to my friend’s house?……
Mom : Has your friend ever come to this house? or why?
She is trying to have a beautiful bond and friendship and even possible, sisterhood. If she misses it this time, she would end up having multiple besties, I mean wanting to have what she didn’t later in life. She/He would end up doing things that you never thought possible, and they say (I can swear that my child can never do that, i trained her/he). Did you? Some don’t even train their children to be street-wise.
But truly, you can’t give what you don’t or never had. Some of our parents never had this.
Don’t fail your own children, teach them, explain and groom them, before they learn from the wrong place. You may not have money or gold to give them, but knowledge is power, Ignorance is not an excuse to suffer the consequences of what went wrong. Save your generation. If you say you would never give your child sex education, they would never give their own children.